See details for special Mother’s Day Gift below!
I’m writing about Mother’s Day a whole week in advance of its celebration here in the U.S.…. both so we (I) won’t forget, and also because it should be at LEAST a Mom’s Week, rather than a Day.
That’s my honest opinion, anyway. As a Mom.
Also noting that Mother’s Day is celebrated at other times or not at all in many parts of the world, and most of us can also recognize the revered role of mothers, even if it’s not formally celebrated with a day (or week).
Mothers. It’s a tricky topic, isn’t it?
No matter what your experience was (or is)… don’t most Moms at least want us to grow up to be our best – no matter what they actually imagined the “best” to be?
“Best” could’ve been represented by a wide range of opinions, depending on the context of your childhood. Best in class, best at looking good, best in math, best at cleaning your plate, best at being a pleaser, best at bearing grandchildren, best at a financially rewarding career.
All those many variations on “best” were certainly responsible for both your childhood wounds, no doubt, but also your greatest gifts, accomplishments and talents. It’s always a both/and.
Whatever your Mom most wanted for you was either deeply nourishing, or caused you to rebel in some way that created a paradoxical tension.
The tension you experienced with your Mom, which likely led to some trauma and heartache, also led you to develop your own independent sense of authority and identity.
There’s always a gift in every trauma, to be sure.
For those of us lucky enough to have a Mom who was capable of seeing us truly, for what we really are, or even for what she wanted us to be…. she may have toted us to extracurricular activities or friends’ or relatives’ homes or a tutor or lessons of some kind that increased our exposure to the world and all the magnificent opportunities in it.
She may have encouraged us to read, or to be creative. Or to make friends outside our close circle, or to extend ourselves beyond our comfort zone.
But that wasn’t always the case, surely.
Not every childhood included a Mom who was capable of providing support and care for who we really were, or would become.
Some of us had mothers who were living in the midst of their own struggles to find themselves or doing their best to clothe, feed or sustain our basic needs. Some Moms more or less succeeded in even those things.
And some of us didn’t have Moms at all.
Even if you had a Mom during childhood, not many of us had Moms who were able to give us all the things that we know make great children, and that led to us being great adults.
And so it was, and still is, for many.
And the truth is….
When we’re left to fend for ourselves, to find ourselves – when we have to learn to deeply inquire into our own internal impulses and desires and passions and curiosities to really find ourselves, our most authentic selves… we usually do a better job of it anyway.
It’s a tough job, somebody’s gotta do it. And we’re probably better off without Mom trying to do it for us.
So if you’ve been holding a grudge against your Mom (or Dad, or any other adult figure) all these years for not giving you exactly what you needed, perhaps it’s time to let that go.
Unfortunately, my Mom transitioned before I had a chance to work that out fully. While she was still alive, I had begun to realize that her own true sense of self was challenged and that what she’d hoped for was never fulfilled. She gave me as “best” she could, and I did the “best” I could with that. And finally…
I learned that my “best” depended not at all on what my Mom didn’t give me.
And even more significantly, I learned that I could always be a more profound expression of me each and every day. My “best” continues to evolve.
Yesterday, a young 70-something fellow named John stopped me in the gym and told me I was a “Rock Star” for working so hard to take care of myself. He looked at me with curiosity and wondered why I lifted weights like I do to stay so strong (with some implication about “at your age”). I replied something about learning to take care of myself to be my very best, no matter how many bad joints I have or how many injuries I’ve had to contend with. But the gift that came from this conversation with John my new friend was my reflection that:
It’s never too late to be your best.
Guess what your best gift to Mom would be this year? (even if she’s not alive)….
The best gift to any-kind-of-Mom is for YOU to be your best self. No matter what that “best” is.
For you to far-exceed her expectations of you would be a gift for her, for you, and for the planet.
I can guarantee it, as a Mom who made plenty of mistakes while parenting, and as a daughter who forgave her Mom for the limits of her parenting.
I want my children to be their best selves. Whoever they desire to become.
I want my children to grow into unrecognizable beings (to me), so that they come to know themselves far beyond anything i ever imagined for them.
To live epic lives, if they choose.
And I give myself the liberty of that gift too. Not living up to someone else’s expectation of me, but of my own knowing that as I evolve that I will become the very best Me that I can fulfill in this lifetime.
It’s not too late.
That’s what I told John. You too, can be your best. Now. He looked at me with a mix of curiosity and incredulity, and asked if we could lift weights together again because he wanted to hear more.
Regardless of what mothering you received as a child, the nurturing and caring we need to be our best or epic selves never ends.
Make this your gift to your Mom this year. To be your best or even epic self.
It will be among the most important actions you can take. Consider it a Buy One-Get Two Free, because not only will it be good for her (alive or not), it will be good for YOU, and you will be helping to make this a better world.
And because this gift to your Mom (and yourself) is urgent (you need to delay being your best self why?)…. I’m offering a Special Mom’s Day deal on the 90-minute GetSuperPowered Initiation Package to support you going down the road to be your “best” self. Use the code MOMSDAY and get a 25% off for you, your mom, friend or partner. Offer good through 5/12/18 for up to 5 packages.
PS: Don’t want til Mother’s Day to buy her the gift – start exceeding her expectations now! 🙂
Holly Woods PhD is a SuperPowered™ Mentor, Master Coach and Healer to Visionary Entrepreneurs and Innovators who are inspired to do more meaningful work and have more impact. Using a proven and rigorous 3-step strategy to rediscover purpose, release resistance and reinvent their way of being, she helps them clarify and focus on what matters, get out of their own way, and activates their powerful life and work in the world.
Ready to live your most Epic Life?